I'm Denise Duffield-Thomas, the "Bride Transformation Coach" and I'm here to help you achieve wedding weight loss, more energy, better skin and even more personal happiness in your life!
My blog is where you'll find some articles, tips, some personal musing and lots of advice about wedding weight loss, eco weddings and much more.
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To your health, happiness and personal transformation!
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No matter what shade of green you are, chances are you've given a lot of thought to your wedding and honeymoon and keeping them both in line with your values as a couple. With the spectre of global warming, rising sea levels and man-made environmental disasters in the daily news, we’re feeling increasing guilty about doing virtually anything at all, let alone planning big wedding parties and holidays.
Of course, the greenest honeymoon would be to stay local and with a bit of imagination, create a beautiful, fun and magical honeymoon that is also kind to the planet. Staycations are all the rage and get the weather right, you can have a cheap and guilt free holiday in your own country.
However, some of us (especially those living in cold climates) dream longingly of a sun-kissed beach in an exotic country. But we’re reluctant to call us ourselves “environmentally conscious” while at the same time travelling half way across the planet and (let’s face it) contributing a very dirty carbon footprint.
It’s an ethical dilemma. So what’s an eco girl to do to balance both of these desires?
Let’s face it. Some of us will travel on planes around the globe for our honeymoons and it’s pointless to spend the whole time feeling guilty. My own honeymoon spanned the UK, Singapore, Indonesia and Australia, and now in our jobs as The Honeymoon Testers, we’re travelling around the world for six months. This definitely does tug at my environmental conscience but I still, perhaps ironically, think of myself as someone who cares about the future of our planet.
I know I’m not the only one with this moral predicament. Our generation longs to be global citizens, but nobody wants to create more damage to the planet than is necessary. Rather than be hypocrites and tell you to stay at home, we’ve been gleaning ideas to share with other honeymooners with itchy feet.
By any means, these actions don’t cancel out your globe-trotting altogether, but here are some small and easy tips that you can do to reduce your impact without spending every second worrying about it.
Choose your holiday wisely
Start with the end in mind and support destinations that use renewable power, have community programmes and implement relevant environmental policies (not just the one about reusing your bath towels). This includes water usage, waste disposal and building materials.
Most importantly find places that are creating jobs and wealth in their communities including sharing clean water and sanitation for local people. Do employees get paid fairly, or are they reliant on tips to earn a living wage? Does your resort benefit the community or is an oasis of wealth and privilege amongst grinding poverty?
Holidays involving animals should have ethical conservation policies as well as being respectful to preserving environments for animals to live in the wild. We’ve heard horror stories about dolphins being kept at pets in resort pools (and committing suicide), tourists offered photo opportunities with toothless and chained tigers, and performing elephants trained with violence and intimidation. Don’t give these places your money and contribute to the problem. Eco-tourism can be profitable and beneficial so spread the word about inspiring enterprises.
Air conditioning
Every hotel and resort I’ve been to cranks the air-conditioning to nipple-popping levels, making the contrast to outside even more unbearable. Make sure you turn it off whenever you leave the room, and check back after breakfast to ensure that the housekeeper hasn’t turned it back on to run all day.
If you have good mosquito nets, consider not using the AC all night and open a window instead. On our honeymoon in Indonesia, we lived in a cabin on stilts in the water and the warm ocean breeze was our air-con.
Bottled drinks
In many developing countries bottled water is still a necessity, and you could get seriously sick from drinking the tap water. In these cases find the most local brand, buy the biggest bottles so you don’t go through hundreds of the smaller ones and dispose of them carefully. Ask your hotel if they recycle.
What’s better, glass or plastic? In most countries, glass is more easily recycled and you’re more likely to see plastic trashing beaches and littering oceans.
If the chances of getting sick are slim, filter and boil your own water using tablets, special drinking straws and filtering water bottles.
Many countries such as Singapore and Mauritius have tap water that is absolutely fine to drink so always ask and don’t be paranoid, but use the filtering options mentioned if you’re worried. Fill up your reusable water bottles in the morning to use all day.
A great alternative to bottled drinks are fresh green coconuts served straight off the tree. Coconut water is extremely good for you, tasty and is nature’s version of sugary energy drinks. The coconut shells are biodegradable and in some countries are used as a fuel source. It’s also money that’s going straight back into the local economy, as they grow wild and aren’t owned by a global bottling company that gives a pittance profit margin.
Food and drink
Going meat-free on honeymoon will give you a much better chance of avoiding food poisoning or sickness. Many countries have low standards around battery farms or humane slaughtering practices, so even if you aren’t vegetarian or vegan, consider doing it for your honeymoon.
Take the opportunity to try local beers and wines where possible, and talk to the chef about where and how fish and vegetables are sourced.
Tropical countries have an abundance of fresh fruit, so take advantage of supporting the local economy and as long as it has a peel (pineapple, mango, passion fruit, bananas etc) then it’s almost always safe to eat.
Find your own off-set
There are definitely controversies around flight off-set schemes, so find one that feels right for you. You may want to support a local regeneration programme, a global organisation that plants trees or an animal conservation charity instead.
Considering doing some charity work with the local economy, donating time, money or materials such as pens and books to local schools.
You can ask your wedding guests to donate to the community in lieu of a wedding present, or give you give vouchers for low impact activities such as bike tours or massages.
Spend your money ethically and avoid illegal DVDs (it can support crime), don’t take home shells or coral, don’t buy products made with plastic, endangered or rare materials and buy locally made, sustainably produced souvenirs such as beaded jewellery or woven handicrafts.
Of course, there are many other small actions you can take that are probably second nature to you. Always pick up your trash (but I know you do that anyway!), switch off lights, don’t charge electronics unnecessarily and reuse your beach and bath towels.
You could spend the whole honeymoon debating the merits and relative damage of each activity, but you are there to enjoy yourself and live this wonderful time together according to your values and principles. Do what you can and try to benefit each place in some way.
Lastly, travelling the planet and meeting other cultures is a wonderful and life-enriching thing, and wouldn’t it be great if our children can do it (relatively) guilt-free? There will be better ways to travel in the future if we demand it, using renewable sources of energy to power our planes (hey, maybe even teleportation) so always support organisations that are paving the way so it becomes unacceptable (and unprofitable) for the holiday industry to exploit the natural resources of our beautiful planet.
Just being conscious about your every day actions will give you plenty of ideas that you can share with others too. You won't get it 100% right, so enjoy your honeymoon as much as possible, and spread love as you go - for each other and for planet Earth.
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Denise Duffield-Thomas is currently travelling the world with her husband Mark as “The Honeymoon Testers”, reviewing the best wedding and honeymoon destinations on behalf of travel company Runaway Bride and Groom.
All, the all inclusive resort honeymoon! They are so much fun, but can be so dangerous to your health and waistline!
Hotel buffets are a subject close to my heart (and stomach), as I always had a reputation in my larger days for never being able to resist the lure of the all-you-can-eat challenge.
Nowadays, I know that you can't just stuff yourself silly and expect to feel good, so here are my tips to feeling satisfied but not sick after the honeymoon resort buffet.
1. Bread is for suckers
Bread is provided for you to fill up on or to fill in the time before you can eat. However, too much bread (and then butter too) can literally fill your stomach with bloat and adds unnecessary empty carbs. Eat a piece of fruit before you head to dinner so you aren't ravenously hungry.
2. The salad bar is your best friend
Start with a giant plate of salad before you go near anything else. Try a bit of everything and really enjoy it as a meal rather than the prelude to stuffing your face. If you are worried about the quality of salad and other raw food, then the same principle applies but at the vegetable bar. Lightly steamed carrots, mange tout or beans will give you a great start to the meal and discourage overeating on the heavy stuff.
3. Pick the best
Next, have a small amount of whatever you fancy, nothing is off limits (except unnecessary gluttony) and really enjoy it. If you grab something and find you don't like it, then don't finish it.
4. Sweet endings
Lastly, it's not compulsory to have dessert. Take a bit of time before deciding and only eat if it's something you really fancy. Many a time, I've eaten a really average cake and then afterwards wished I hadn't!
Don't worry, it can be done. I've been to places where it was buffet breakfast, lunch and dinner and you don't have to get it right every single meal and the rewards will be worth it - much more energy on honeymoon, a flatter stomach and a glowing face will be yours!
Travelling around as one half of The Honeymoon Testers has thrown up some health challenges for me. Every hotel is plying complimentary wedding cake, chocolate and champagne on us with the result that I'm feeling rather... ok I'll say it...FAT!
Let me tell you, I never use the word fat to be offensive. In fact, I would never encourage anyone to say "I am fat", and if you do, please stop immediately.
When you say "I am fat", you are telling your whole being that you are worthless. You ARE something that you disapprove of. Nobody can ever be 100% fat. There is bone, blood, muscle and organs. Yet, when we say these words to ourselves, we personify our whole selves as something that society has told us is bad and undesirable.
If you find yourself saying these negative and totally self defeating words, then I encourage you, even if it feels clinical and silly to stop yourself and say something neutral such as "at present, I have some excess and temporary weight on my body." and always finish with "and I love and accept myself completely and unconditionally".
Even writing this now makes me smile, because the last couple of days I've been very hard on myself. I didn't want to tell you all that I've put on weight on this holiday. I thought that I would be able to handle it, and that the orgy of sugar, cake and champagne was only temporary.
Ok, nobody was holding a gun to my head makin me eat this junk, but I've used the excuse that I'm on holiday and "deserve to treat myself".
The result though is that my clothes have been getting tighter and tighter and I'm not feeling that comfortable in my swimsuit. There's a photo of me during our vow renewal in Mauritius where I look like I'm hiding a baby bump behind my bouquet! (Alas, it's a champagne baby!).
I know realistically that I've only put on a couple of kgs, but I can't continue this way because I'm feeling tired and just not that confident. I know my energy can be much better if I eat more raw food.
My excuse has been that I know as soon as I go back to eating healthily and following my own advice - fruit with breakfast, salad with every meal, a little bit of exercise each day and a lot of greens, then the little bit of weight would leave quickly and easily.
I know that completely, so I'm ashamed to say that I was thinking, "well, what's the rush?".
Believe me, I'm not being hard on myself, but I know just how good I can feel when I eat real food and reduce the junk and I know I'll look much better for it as well!
So, no more feeling sorry for myself. I'll be journalling my thoughts and feelings about how we can all stay healthy and fit on holiday or your upcoming honeymoon, and how if you're feeling like your health is creeping away from you, you can take control at anytime with no big declaration or fuss, but with the same simple and common sense steps that we both know work!
Let me know if you're feeling stuck in a rut. Maybe my Raw Brides Transformation Plan will help. It outlines every step I took to lose two dress sizes for my wedding.
My cats, Leo and Bruno teach me so much about life and of course bring me so much pleasure. Recently when I was reflecting on my health journey, here are some other things I noticed...
1. Biting Your Own Tail Is A Pointless Exercise
I took this video of Leo baiting himself with his own tail, and then pouncing and biting it - over and over. Doesn't he realise it's his own tail? Doesn't it hurt?
My year of transformation brought up some ugly, painful stuff. Some days I felt like I've had one foot firmly on the brake, and it was frustrating!
I realised that the way I was talking to myself was akin to actual, physical self-harm. I was telling myself, "You are lazy" or "You are a greedy pig". Horrible I know, but I didn't actually realise how much this constant negative self-talk was affecting my health and self-esteem. I was only setting myself up for more misery and failure.
In the lead up to my wedding while I was going through my weight loss journey, I wrote Recognise The Bad Stuff and Move On, and I got a great response. I guess people like to hear about the failures as much as the successes, and it was a lot of fun to write.
I wrote about a disaster day working as a TV Extra. That experience brought up a lot of negative emotions for me, and it was a completely pointless experience devoid of any joy or progress towards my goals. I also ended up with bruises all over my legs from it. Wow, how about next time, I just get someone to punch me in the face for some money!
So to learn from the pain of setting myself up for misery, I'm going to try and accept experiences that honour myself and my goals... just for a month... just to see if I like it... it's probably rubbish.... :)
How do you sabotage and punish yourself? What thoughts run through your head when you try and be healthier?
2. It's Nice To Help Out A Friend
I have met some wonderful raw friends in the last couple of years, and now I can't imagine getting through this journey without them. It's silly even calling them "raw friends", because now they are simply friends.
They are all going through their own transformation process, so we help each other out if the going gets tough.
It's also great to be able to meet up in healthy ways. Instead of pizza nights, we eat yummy salads together, share healthy recipes, go to spas together, do yoga, try out raw food and vegan restaurants, talk about positive things and generally support each other's personal goals and dreams.
This video of Leo and Bruno washing each other is so sweet because I imagine that it's a nice feeling not to have to wash the difficult to reach places. The part where they snap at each other reminds me of my own brother. We'd be nice to each other for about a minute, then one would poke the other and it would be on. "MUUUUUUMMMM - he's touching me!!"
As well as friends supportive of your new lifestyle, I highly recommend getting a coach. I have always got a coach in my life who I speak to regularly, and it's incredibly helpful having someone who is there to help you reach the places you can't get to by yourself!
Are your friends and loved ones supportive and helpful to your health journey? Do they lift you up, or do they hamper your efforts?
Do you need additional, neutral help? Would personal coaching work for you?
3. It's OK To Stand Out.
I remember trying on my wedding dress about a month before the wedding. I lay it out on the bed and went out of the room. A minute later there was Bruno perched delicately on the dress, looking at me, like "what....?". Remember - he's a giant fluffy BLACK cat and my wedding dress was white! I almost had a heart attack.
But he just went with his gut, which was - "There are so many places I could go today, but that expanse of immaculate white satin looks like fun."
Some of my beliefs around health and the environment have made me stand out (particularly since I started my websites), and my diet choices definitely make me stand out, and I was afraid of rocking the boat for so long. I'm the easy going Australian, remember? I like to be accommodating where possible and not make things difficult for anyone else.
Well at some point, I had to stand up for what I believe in. I'm not going to hide, even if things get a little hairy (I know - these analogies are getting worse!).
I was even afraid of asking my wedding caterer to make me a healthy option! Even though I was paying thousands of dollars and I was The Bride, I still didn't want to "make a fuss". Luckily I got over that, and since then I'm not afraid to ask for what I need - even if it causes some extra work for someone else.
And you know what? Most people are totally fine with it. Actually people don't think about you as much as you'd think. They are too worried about what YOU think of THEM!
Whose approval or disapproval are you trying to get? Are there any areas in your life where you need to stand up for what you believe in?
4. Life Is For Pleasure
Wow, what a concept! Isn't work about suffering? Isn't pleasurable food bad for me? Don't I have to work at a job I dislike, live in a bad area and never have any nice clothes?
At one time in my life, I honestly believed that. I denied myself proper self-care: decent sleep, healthy nourishment, suffered relationships or friendships I didn't care about, got involved in family dramas, was obsessed with negative gossip, and so it's not a surprise that my outside health suffered from neglect. I didn't believe that I deserved pleasure in my life and so I rarely had any!
But Leo and Bruno teach me so much about pleasure!
When I work from home, I see that cats really do sleep ALL DAY. It's a busy schedule of napping on the bed, then napping on the couch. They only break to scratch the stuffing out of chairs. Every 20 minute or so, I give them a stroke and they receive me like a grand King and then roll around in ecstasy. They are constantly grooming themselves (and each other), and they always look majestic and graceful. They would never think "I'm not going to wash myself today because I'm hideous and nothing will help!".
When I come home, both cats are always waiting to greet me at the top of the stairs and they are so happy to see me. Both cats have such a loud purr and they even follow me into the bathroom to show their love! They just have such a huge capacity for joy and pleasure and they just KNOW they are gorgeous!
So, nowadays I'm trying to see how much pleasure I can fit into my life and every day looking to increase my capacity for bliss. It's a fun challenge, a game I play with myself.
Pleasure for me is about spending time with lovely people, buying flowers for myself, going to the cinema, being outside in nature, going to a ballet or yoga class, reading inspirational books, going to personal development classes, travelling and being in the sun.
When I do these things, my heart sings, I greet my husband at the door with a kiss instead of a growl and more often than not, my body feels great and my weight stabilises without me even thinking about it.
What is pleasurable for you? What have you been tolerating in your life that causes you pain?
So this is what I've learnt from my cats this week! In a nutshell - don't create pain for yourself unnecessarily, hang out with nice people who support and believe in you, don't be afraid to stand out and make life pleasurable because you are one GORGEOUS kitten!
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